When confronting your enemies, you must always keep your head clear and be stoic so that you can respond appropriately. If they have harmed you in any way, why would you let them win and dominate you by having them take your mind? By becoming emotional and reactive, you would only be confirming your weakness and their victory.
When offended, the very first thing you must determine is whether the issue is even worth responding to. Many men tend to take offense from insignificant events and blow it out of proportion to defend their fragile ego. A good example of this is how easily and intensely people react with anger when they are cut off in traffic. Although it makes no real difference to the driver, the act of being cut off is seen as an insult and fires up his anger. Unless the offense threatens your power, reputation, or your very being, you should avoid confrontations that disrupt your mind and drain away your time, energy, and focus. If there is nothing to gain, why make the situation worse by becoming charged with negativity?
I’ve always been guilty of taking a minor offense and turning it into something much bigger by overreacting to it. Those situations only happened because I didn’t stand up for myself at times when I should have, and also because I decided to distract myself from more the important tasks. Wisdom comes from your ability to determine what events are worth responding to and what aren’t.
We all have a limited volume of mental bandwidth. It is this bandwidth that determines the level of your willpower, which in turn translates to your ability to focus, perform under pressure, and stay in control of your own being. Whenever you let your enemy occupy your mind, you are losing your bandwidth; you are losing out in life. Every second that you are boiling with anger is every second that your mind is being preoccupied by negativity. Every minute that you spend on planning revenge is every minute that you are being distracted from living your own life. And in the meantime, they are not bothered by you. They don’t mind you. Therefore, when you let your enemy take your mind—they win.
How to stop others from taking your mind
1) Always act right for the current moment
If you fail to act when you should, your resentment will over grow with time. If you act wrongly or at the wrong time, you will suffer consequences. It’s always up to you to discern the difference and take the right action.
Whenever possible, it is best to resolve the issue promptly at the moment it arises. Failure to do so is what usually causes your mind to become preoccupied with bitter anger.
If a person or a situation is not worth engaging in, simply disengage. You have nothing to gain by being mired with negative people and situations. Negative individuals are especially prone to spreading their negativity out onto everyone else them to garner attention. Stay away from these toxic individuals as soon as you identify them.
When you have angry thoughts and feelings, you must learn to disengage them without fighting. Suppressing and fighting them makes them stronger and engaging them will only lead to rumination that will eat you up from inside out. There exists a middle ground where you are able to disengage without slipping to the either side of the anger trap. You must train yourself towards this balance.
3) Focus on other things
Best revenge is living well. Although your attention would not be as optimal as you’d like when your enemy gets to your head, the best thing to do is to focus on what is important to you. You’ve already been wronged in the past; don’t perpetuate it by playing the victim. Don’t let your life be steered away by losing focus on your own life.
If you must destroy your enemies, destroy them utterly, but do not let the flame vengeance consume you in the process.
It is up to you to choose between letting your enemies define your thoughts and actions or choosing to define them yourself.